JULY 14TH, 2019 8:16TH PM
nothing like finding new music that you immediately just love and resonate with. i havent had that in a bit but just listening to the loveless album takes me back to that exact moment where i listened to 'sometimes' for the first time and felt tingly and warm. im in need of that feeling again lol, im starting new chapters in my life and everything is changing i just want a moment to breathe and listen to a good album and just veg out lol!! tell me if an album comes to mind when u read this <3 KOTA
JULY 13TH, 2019 10:45 PM
today i worked at 3-9 and can i say i hate working night shifts. no offense but if ur an afternoon customer FUCK YOU and STOP BEING AN IDIOT. anyway it was just annoying and my meds arent available so i might just jump out a window. also the malls janitor is fucking weird he asked for my last name and i was like "dont have one" like get the fuck away from me dude. thats all ive got to say on the matter. OH YEAH REMEMBER THERES A FULL MOON ON THE 16TH SO REMEMBER TO CHARGE UR WATER AND CRYSTALS/TOOLS OR JUST LET GO OF THE PAST MONTHS NEGATIVITY AND BREATHE IN THE NEW!!!! thats all for now goodnight :heart::heart: KOTA
JULY 12TH, 2019 11:49 PM
nothing much happened today other than i got paid and my bffl bought me new tarot cards!! the basic witches deck! lol i love him so much i miss him a lot i want to go watch a movie. i GOTTA GET MY ID SO I CAN WATCH MIDSOMMAR UHGH UHG im going to change the index page im starting to become frustrated w the site being so bluhhhh but my coding abilities.... r ..... so sAD.... i just took a morality quiz i got a 75 percent parsimonus score... i leave link in XTRA. ive been feeling ok my body image has been shaky but thats kinda the norm now. im going to edit the site now lol! i started death note... its really good i always thought it was just a n edgy cringy anime, which it is dont get me wrong but its entertaining. my 6th grade self wouldve loved it lmao. time to make this site more EDGY
JULY 12TH, 2019 1:04 AM
ok update i feel like im finally getting out of this funk lol. anyway i went to my unis orientation and i loved it! i already made a few friends. some of the presentations overwhelmed me but in the end i was alright bc karina and i will be alright!!!! i have less than 40 days til i leave. i will totally be fine!!! anyway this mood could be short lived due to me realizing JUST NOW that im not taking my meds regularly. ANYWAY i gotta see my therapist soon lolz and tell her everything. i got my pendulums and tarot cards!!! ive been practicing on my friends. i might be convincing my friend karina to follow her path in magick eeeeeee coven mates? LMAO uhhhh ill start adding music and shtuff to my blog and some links on where i learn some magic stuff eheheh in case any of u are interested LOVE KOTA
JULY 3RD, 2019 12:55 AM
my mother is leaving to el salvador on thursday i fear 4 her safety while traveling as well as being in the country alone w my aunt. she will be fine :). ive been contemplating not taking my meds in a twisted way of self harm and for some reason i think itll make me feel things and cry. but doing so i risk offing myself lmao. i need to get my nails done too before i tear off a finger nail )): i feel alone. i want friends who love me and show it. i sound so ungrateful i do have them but i feel like im easily replacable and they could drop me at any moment. i dont like that feeling. idk how to vent i feel nothing which is why i want to get off my meds bc im writing this down bc this is what i should be feeling but the meds muffle? the feeling? makes me feel angry. i cant express things very well. im just seeing how lonely i am hm.. on the bright side i made a new friend, i dont want to rush things so im not being clingy other than sending heart emojis. eheheh. this post was a bummer but thats what i am underneath my charisma and class clown archetype personality *rolls eyes* also i found the fucking gifcities site uhhh someone say slow? KOTA
JUNE 30TH, 2019 11:05 PM
ok so recapping wednesday til NOW is i got my puppy we named her Chiquis, shes so tiny and bites a lot!!!!!! i started talking to someone on twitter named john i hope we become good friends he seems cool so far. ive been feeling a bit off lately dont know what to do. i go to my unis orientation, i feel nervous so im using that as an excuse. i bought 100 dollar jbl buds which rocked my wallet but so far theyre nice. other than the usual MENTAL ILLNESS im ok :). ive been feeling dysmorphic as well bc the last few days ive eaten more than one meal and ik i should be glad bc RECOVERY or whatnot but yall anorexic bitches shouldknow whats up when i say a bitch feels heavy when u eat a bit more than planned!!! as a hypocrite i say stay with loved ones and eat what you want!! YOLO :heart: CON TODO MI CORAZON, KOTA
JUNE 23RD, 2019 10:40 PM
felt off today ehehe i didnt sleep until 9 AM WHATS WRONG W ME!!!!!!!!! whatever i went to a park today but obnoxious people blasted their music which over stimmed me lol it was nice being out. nothings happening i feel myself going in and out a depressive episode like im on the edge and somethings going to happen and finally PUSH ME! this sounds emo but i dont want to bug my friends about it. i made this to express my thoughts freely w semi anonimity so I SHALL!!!! i love uu lol.
JUNE 23RD, 2019 1:27 AM
supskies nothing happened yesturday (22nd) just worked. i open every morning next week... we makin that bread... rn im trying to just add color to my site just trying to get every page to its basic design and then ill go crazy ajskjfns cancer season really hittin but im trying to be rational about my feelings and fears!!! hope i hang w my sis tmw.. LOVE, ME.
JUNE 21ST,2019 11:06 PM
ok well i was supposed to hang w friends but my anxiety got in the way and we all decided to go shopping on another day w less complications... ANYWAY... i went to the thrift store and found a Tears for Fears From the Big Chair, ABBA
s The Visitor, and a Mamas and Papas comp vinyl... for... *drum roll plz* 15 BUCKS!!! i meditated w my crystals so i had some luck by my side!!!! i also bought a cute beige shirt w a green design on it. ill post pix when i have my life together. sorry this sites lackluster but u can find me anywhere else at @sm64sh LOL LOTS OF LOVE, KOTA.
JUNE 20TH, 2019 10:42 PM
today started pretty boring i went to my moms doctors appointment BUT WHEN i we went to eat at the diners the owners son was working and i had a little crush on him eeeee he goes to another school so i dont really know him but hes so cute and my brain short circuits whenever he talks to me!!!! anyway the pet store finally got a female pug!!!! shes still a puppy and unnamed but we should be able to get her in a week!! im so excited my other pug just died and i just miss her a ton! the house needs a bit more life now that everyones moved out and its just my mom and i.
JUNE 19TH, 2019 10:42 PM
oh cool! i gained 2 followers :^) im working on my site now. this is pretty fun but a bit much for my peanut brain. i came back from work and realized im good friends w my coworker irving who i thought was annoying 3 months ago. the shift was tough due to me not taking my meds on time and having withdrawal symptoms. anyway i love uu!!
JUNE 19TH, 2019 3:58 PM
this is my first post. this coding shit is hard. ))): ill be back. i work at five. hopefully time flies.